Dracula 3000


Before I get started, I want to make a Public Service Announcement about breast cancer.  After publishing my last post, I realized I made it sound like breast cancer treatment was a breeze, which is super not-true.  I had two surgeries followed by 6.5 weeks of daily radiation treatment and was HIGHLY lucky that I didn’t have to do chemotherapy in between.  I’m ok now, but for sure it wasn’t a walk in the park, and I did have a much easier time than many women (and men!) with breast cancer.  So, you know, just so I don’t perptuate any pretty pink stereotypes about breast cancer.

Now, let’s get to the good shit.  Or, rather the bad shit, as it were.

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To my dear 7 readers:

Obviously, I’ve been gone for a while.  2012 has been the most hugely paradoxical year of my life.  To briefly review:

The really bad: Breast cancer.  There is really nothing like hearing the words “You have cancer.”  It sucks most heavily.

The better:  I am cancer-free today and hope to stay that way always.  Treatment wasn’t horrible and now I am just on medication and the occasional doctor visit, unlike the time just after diagnosis when I would pull into a hospital parking lot and have to think about who I was there to see that day and why.

The best: I met the love of my life.  He utterly gets me.  We are looking forward to being a man/woman version of Waldorf and Statler in our old age.

This is totally going to be us.


Anyway, so between this, that, and the other, I got derailed from my blistering critiques of shitty movies.  Now I feel it’s time to come back, if for no other reason than Netflix and Amazon Instant Video have been assaulting my senses with an amazing selection of bad movies.

Coming Attractions

Dracula 3000: starting Casper van Dien, Erika Eleniak (yes, of erstwhile Baywatch fame and fortune), and wait for it.  No seriously, wait for it.  COOLIO.  If you had thought the rest of your existence safe from Coolio, you were not alone and you were also super-wrong.

Birdemic:  yeah I don’t even know the people in this.  Suffice it to say no one took home an Oscar from this.

Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies: That’s right, zombies and not the vampire hunter version that was on the big screen this year.

Killer Klowns from Outer Space: This is some serious fucking sacrifice I make for you, 7 Readers, because clowns really do freak my shit out.

Making notes on Dracula 3000 today, so look for it in the next couple/few days.  It’s good to be back.  Ish.