You guys, there are bad movies and then there are BAD F*CKING MOVIES. Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda is one of the latter. There is no one I recognize in this movie except for Conan O’Brien. Also, this doesn’t seem to be an Asylum production and the acting is noticeably worse than most Asylum joints which is something I didn’t know was possible outside of Twilight. Basically the best actors in the movie are Sharktopus and Pteracuda. Let’s get going, shall we?
Hey friends! Long time no see, I know, but apparently it’s Sharknado Week on SyFy, and I just couldn’t ignore the siren call of the Asylum and their exquisitely bad movies any longer. I am writing this post on the premiere date of Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda so expect a recap of that in the future.
Unbelievably, I haven’t caught the first Sharknado yet but I know that it stars Steve from 90210 (Ian Ziering) and Tara Reid, and that Steve gets eaten by a shark but chainsaws his way through its body like you do. I was ok with not having any more background than that for Sharknado 2: The Second One, so let’s hit it after the jump.
So I left all 7 of you hanging in the middle of the dumbest catfight since Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff got into it over that tool, Aaron Carter. (<- this is why I can’t learn new things – inappropriate memory allocation) Debs and Tiffy have just thrown each other into the water, Sidekick has likely gotten eaten by gator or python or both and Cruz from Santa Barbara is cursing the day he let Oprah validate him as a totally useful resource in the Care and Handling of RidonkoBeasts.
When last we left our Has-Been Bubblegum Pop Icons, they were careening towards a cinematic showdown with Tiffy on the side of the gators and Debs firmly on Team Python. (Yes, that probably was written on a public restroom wall about her. Just remember, folks, who among you can really cast the first stone there, glass houses, etc etc). Will Cruz from Santa Barbara come to break up the inept bitchery? Let’s find out!
Mega Python vs. Gatoroid
Rating: Come on y’all, this is straight-to-TV
Running Time: 90 min
Unleashed upon the world in 2011
Starring: DEBORAH GIBSON. TIFFANY. AND OH SHIT THEY GOT CRUZ FROM SANTA BARBARA
Now, if you’ve read my synopsis of Mega Piranha, you know this is a battle I had hoped that Tiffany would lose and lose hard. But mere minutes into the movie I was hoping for both these numbnuts to get eaten by any given giant creature available. So did they? This here is the best way to find out. Let’s hit it!
Here it is, the ridiculous wrap-up to the ridiculous film that you’ve all (all 7 of you) been waiting for! We left Tiffs and the gang in the grip of a full-body freakout over how very wrong Tiffy’s piranha experiment has gone. The piranha have laughed off all efforts at containment/destruction and are merrily headed for the good old US of A.